My first London Premiere

So yeah, while I haven't been writing here I have actually still been working away at theatre stuff! More specifically the play I wrote a couple of years ago, and have since been updating and workshopping at various UK festivals, finally got itself a London Premiere. From February 25th to March 15th 2014 Rachael's Cafe was at the Old Red Lion Theatre in Angel, produced by my company Little Fly Theatre and starring the original actor Graham Elwell. As I'm updating this in retrospect I imagine the immediate emotions and adrenaline associated with the play won't come through quite as much as they might have done had I updated at the same time. If you want something along those lines you might want to read the stuff I was writing at the time for Broadway World UK and The Public Reviews*. However, let it be said that it was a totally new and tiring experience for me, jam packed with all sorts of new fangled terminology, monetary figures and complicated logistics. In short, it was great! 

Putting on a show in London is a vastly different project to putting on comedy shows. I'd say it's perhaps more satisfying creatively for me - there were a lot more aspects to the show which needed my attention and input than there are on my comedy nights where I have a certain degree of creativity but ultimately set the stage for the comedians to fill with their work and talent. On that note, however, it's a lot more scary and requires a great deal of work to create a single show. So the pressure really is on to make the show brilliant! I found that I had a really split response to the whole experience. Half of me was saying 'never again!' on the basis that it's actually very scary, particularly in today's economic climate, to put on a show in London. The other half was eager to have another go as soon as possible, moaning at myself for not having been putting plays on left, right and centre for the past few years so as to learn my lessons bit by bit. I never felt ready before but, as Hugh Laurie said this week of his new musical career, 'I don't think anyone's ever really ready'. 

I also never realised before what a sensitive soul I am. I thought that being a writer would be a less painful experience (if your audience didn't like it) than being, for example, a stand-up comedian where you're completely on show. I have to admit though that I found being the playwright so much more difficult than being the actor in a show. As an actor I face every night as a new show. I'm annoyed if I don't give a good performance, but I know that the next one will be happening within hours and I can give it another go. As a writer I feel much more confined into delivering a final product that performs consistently. When an audience have enjoyed your play, or are moved by it, you feel pretty awesome. Constructive criticism also isn't an issue - especially when it's your first play. But there are, of course, always people who don't like your play and I was surprised by how painful I found that. When you've found a topic or person you're passionate about and put your effort, time, talent and money into creating a show about it, it's surprising how hard it can be to accept that, frankly, it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea. If you were able to half-ass it, to spew out twenty plays a year then it might be easier to cope with mixed responses. But when it's your one work so far, when it's become the main symbol of what you do with, you know, your life then it's not as easy as I imagined to go 'Oh you didn't like it? Not to worry. Maybe next time.' 

So yes, it was a great experience overall. There were days when it exhausted me, when I worried about the financial side, when I felt frustrated by how difficult it feels to make waves in theatre land and when I compared myself to everyone around me. But there were also days when we got sales reports of a spike in ticket sales, when a five star review came flooding in and audience members searched us out post-show to tell us how much they loved the show. These were all incredible experiences that I feel bowled over to have been the recipient of and they're the ones that, in the end, will mean I'll do it all again. 

★★★★★ The Upcoming 

★★★★ WhatsOnStage

★★★★ Islington Gazette

★★★★ The Public Reviews

★★★★ Middle Peg Review 

★★★★ Theatre & Performance Magazine

'Elwell is captivating' - Middle Peg Theatre 

'this indelible play is a must see.' - The Upcoming

'Humorous, touching and truly uplifting' - UK Theatre Network

'As fascinating as anything in the West End at the moment' - LondonTheatre1

'This debut by Lucy Danser simply gets it right on every level' - WhatsOnStage

'A moving and thought provoking piece, devoid of sensationalism and infused with humour' - A Younger Theatre

*Broadway World UK - Rachael's Cafe Blog

The Public Review - Rachael's Cafe blog

Blogging - What's it for?

At the end of 2012 I congratulated myself (publicly - in my end of year sum up) for increasing the consistency with which I wrote on my blog. I saw this as something, in a profession where it's sometimes difficult to work out how you're progressing, as something I could keep tabs on, as a sign that I was improving or at least disciplining myself a la Seinfeld into working consistently on a skill set. I then proceeded to write far more sporadically during 2013 before disappearing completely. I made a cameo appearance in November 2013 during which I wrote a single blog -about writing blogs- entitled 'I'm back' and then disappeared altogether once again. Until now. So I can see why you might not (providing you care at all of course) have great faith in my return to the uh, small screen of blogmanship. 

But that's okay. 

As someone who is still finding their unique voice or purpose or whatnot, a blog is a perfect way to train myself in all the necessary disciplines and skills without hanging too much importance on it. I don't yet write with any regularity and nor do I have a specific subject or style that I stick to. Sometimes it's theatre but then it might just be something I've been working on and want to mention, or perhaps a response to something I've read or seen. I don't have a huge readership, just my stalwart supporters but, when something does work, it seems to find its audience naturally. For example, my piece on the Oscars, when Seth MacFarlane hosted it, got shared quite widely around the UK and the US while the blogs following the transformation of the actor I used for my play Rachael's Cafe got a massive number of hits from people interested in the trans community or cross dressing. Sometimes feedback points me in the direction of how I could improve my research, brevity of the posts or the way in which I structure my information which is very helpful and always appreciated - honestly! 

You see I'm one of those people who gets very caught up in trying to label a project before I've even started it and so, ultimately, giving up. I think ideas through for plays and stories so much and am full of enthusiasm until, putting the first sentence onto paper, I freak out when I realise how it's not going to match up to exactly what I had figured out in my head. David Mamet mentioned this syndrome in his book Theatre, pointing out that writers are prone to 'bemoaning or exploring (which are the same) the difference between the draft and the (actually non-existent) ideal foreseen version of the play'. I seem to go one better, never even finishing the blooming play itself because my mind leaps straight forward to get to the 'bemoaning' that bit quicker. Similarly I foresee myself playing a lead in a play and then find it complicated to work out how I can possibly progress to that point if I find myself only cast in the ensemble. Devising and improvisation are beyond me, simply because I have a need to know how it's going to be structured rather than being prepared to make that structure out of the created chaos. I know it's important to break free of a mindset which is obviously so over sensitive to its OCD love of filing things properly that it is, ultimately, fatal to creativity. 

So although I'd love, of course, to have a readership ready and waiting to devour my every word, to be one of those hot shot freelancer bloggers who have streams of comments down below each post, I realise now that that's not what the point of this blog is at all. It's just a place (that isn't, thank heavens, as personal as a diary) but where I have the flexibility to write about what I want and to do so in any way I'd like. I suppose that if it gets to the point where I am starting to develop more of a theme to my writings or to what I do then I'll think about starting a new, more professional looking blog. In the meantime I just need to remember to write in this one a bit more often. And if anyone out there is reading this...that'd be great. Thanks! 

PS On that note - I imagine there'll be a few more blogs than anticipated over the next couple of days as I catch up with all the stuff that's been happening without having taken the time to write any of it down or reflect on it. 

I'm back.

It's funny how I spend an awful lot of time on here lamenting the lack of creative opportunities coming my way, but when work does pop up I immediately go off the radar. I haven't written since August and I apologise for that fact (regardless of whether anyone out there has actually been missing my nattering!). I apologise because it's inconsistent and therefore pretty much directly opposes what I wish to do on here which is to build up an interested readership who await my next move. With baited breath. I mean, that would be ideal. If you just stumbled across this and are reading through on the off chance I'll get to some kind of point that's also very kind of you. So I'll do exactly that. I'll get to the point. 

Yes, work has picked up a little bit lately. Nothing earth shattering admittedly but trying to keep your confidence and enthusiasm from waning in the writing/acting/creative endeavours' industry can be tough when rejection, or a complete dearth of opportunities,  repeatedly come your way. So you tend to be superbly grateful when something works in your favour. The reason August is the month I stopped writing is that when I returned from reviewing shows at the Edinburgh Fringe this year I felt buoyed up by all the awesome work I'd seen but fairly downcast by the fact I wasn't involved in any of it. I was getting fed up of writing about cool stuff other people were doing and wanted some time dashing about in their, superior, shoes. So, fed up with myself floundering about without any real sense of direction, I got to work on making that happen. 

A friend remarked last year that I'd always seemed very proactive but that recently, whilst others were forging ahead, I seemed to have lost my way and my zest for the work a little bit. He was right. The reasoning behind this is that I always knew what I wanted to be - and that was an actress. Although I'd never been the kind to push myself forward, to perform at the drop of a hat or to take the lead in the school plays I always sort of figured these issues would slip away silently once I entered the 'acting industry', that I'd come out of my shell and thrust myself forth to wow audiences on stages around the world. This, I don't need to point out, didn't happen. I hadn't applied for drama schools, I didn't have an agent, I wasn't putting myself forward for a great many auditions and, when opportunities arose to spontaneously show people what I could do, I wasn't rising to the occasion but rather stepping back nervously and letting others take the stage. Little by little my confidence in my acting ability, my opportunities to exercise it and my vision of myself as an actress was being eroded. Once that was gone I wasn't sure who I was or ever would be. Although I'd dabbled in and had great interests in numerous other aspects of theatre (directing, producing, writing) I'd never really considered myself as anything or anyone but an actress at heart despite the fact I was behaving less and less like one. 

Because I suppose I do, to a point, define myself through my work I was - despite the above situation - working on other projects. Since 2010 I'd been co-running a comedy club in Canterbury. This year the opportunity to become the sole Director of the company arose and, taking it, I created a new show called Stand Up & Slam! with a poet (Daniel Simpson) and booked a three month run for it at a London venue. Although I was excited about it I was also incredibly nervous and refusing to pin a great deal of expectation on the concept. Still defining myself as a slightly lost actress I was looking at this as a sort of side project. So when the first event turned out to be an awesome show which attracted a large audience, a fantastic response and some kick ass reviews it was a huge (and hugely welcome) surprise to me. Since then we've run five shows at the same venue (The Comedy Cafe in Shoreditch), one at the Canterbury Festival, booked a second season in London and gigs in cities around the UK. It's still a relatively new project and still needs a bit of polishing. Who knows what will happen with it in the future but, for now, it's given me the lease of creative life I needed. To have an idea and to see it come to fruition on a stage, with an audience enjoying it, is wonderful. I used to think that the only work I'd create would be as a vehicle for myself as an actress. To have liberated myself from the equation has given me the freedom to look at a project less for what it can do for me and to focus much more on the important things like, you know, what the audience will want! Oh and what performers, music and more will serve the show best. 

I'm still a bit lost. I probably will be for a while. I haven't quite found my way, my USP if you will, yet. At 26, I can't help feeling I'm falling behind and that I've failed a little bit in terms of what I had planned for myself. But I am aware this is a tough industry and, while we all enter it bright eyed and bushy tailed, it's no wonder so many people fall by the wayside. Finances are tight, opportunities are tough to come by and I often feel like I have to fight for every single (seemingly simple) thing to happen. I'm still not sure where I'm going, things are very changeable and I do feel panic about all this on a daily basis. But you work with talented, enthusiastic, passionate people every day and, for me, that's like spending every day with your childhood heroes. 

Announcing STAND UP & SLAM! in London

So, I'm pretty excited to be announcing the launch of a show I've been developing with Dan Simpson (Canterbury Poet Laureate). We'd noticed that the audiences for, and preconceptions about, performance poetry and comedy were massively different despite the fact the two spoken word art forms have loads of similarities and have actually been successfully combined in the case of some higher profile performers such as Tim Key and Phill Jupitus. 

So we decided to bring the two art forms together is a fun, creative way and STAND UP & SLAM! was born! Featuring our two captains - Paul Sweeney (Comedy Captain) and Dan Simpson (Poetry Captain) - it's a hilarious, ridiculous verbal battle to the (sort of) death. The winners? Whoever the audience choose on the night. 

We've been running gigs since December 2012 to workshop the show and we're now excited to announce our first full season at the Comedy Cafe, Rivington Street, London from September 17th 2013. More info re: line ups and more to come! 

Dispatch from the Fringe Number 3 - The final reviews.

More reviews Ladies and Gentlemen! 

COMEDY 
Brett Goldstein: Contains Scenes of an Adult Nature

THEATRE
Cape Wrath
Ballad of the Burning Star
Fleabag
Stuart: A Life Backwards
Don't Disturb the Driver

That's all for reviews folks. Articles coming soon. 

Dispatch from the Fringe Number 2 - More reviews!

Here are some more reviews from the Edinburgh Fringe 2013 that I've written for various magazines and theatre sites. 

COMEDY 

James Acaster: Lawnmower

THEATRE

Outside on the Street

Anoesis

That Is All You Need to Know

Solomon & Marion

More to come!

Dispatch from the Fringe Number 1 - Today I'm an Edinburgh Reviewer

I'm up in Edinburgh at the Fringe and I'm working as a reviewer and features writer for WhatsOnStage, The Public Reviews and Stage & Screen Insider. 

Here are the links to my first few reviews:

COMEDY
David Morgan - Pretty 
Neil Hickey - Escape Artist 
Bo Burnham: What

THEATRE
Shakespeare for Breakfast
Banksy - The Room in the Elephant

More to come!