At the end of 2012 I congratulated myself (publicly - in my end of year sum up) for increasing the consistency with which I wrote on my blog. I saw this as something, in a profession where it's sometimes difficult to work out how you're progressing, as something I could keep tabs on, as a sign that I was improving or at least disciplining myself a la Seinfeld into working consistently on a skill set. I then proceeded to write far more sporadically during 2013 before disappearing completely. I made a cameo appearance in November 2013 during which I wrote a single blog -about writing blogs- entitled 'I'm back' and then disappeared altogether once again. Until now. So I can see why you might not (providing you care at all of course) have great faith in my return to the uh, small screen of blogmanship.
But that's okay.
As someone who is still finding their unique voice or purpose or whatnot, a blog is a perfect way to train myself in all the necessary disciplines and skills without hanging too much importance on it. I don't yet write with any regularity and nor do I have a specific subject or style that I stick to. Sometimes it's theatre but then it might just be something I've been working on and want to mention, or perhaps a response to something I've read or seen. I don't have a huge readership, just my stalwart supporters but, when something does work, it seems to find its audience naturally. For example, my piece on the Oscars, when Seth MacFarlane hosted it, got shared quite widely around the UK and the US while the blogs following the transformation of the actor I used for my play Rachael's Cafe got a massive number of hits from people interested in the trans community or cross dressing. Sometimes feedback points me in the direction of how I could improve my research, brevity of the posts or the way in which I structure my information which is very helpful and always appreciated - honestly!
You see I'm one of those people who gets very caught up in trying to label a project before I've even started it and so, ultimately, giving up. I think ideas through for plays and stories so much and am full of enthusiasm until, putting the first sentence onto paper, I freak out when I realise how it's not going to match up to exactly what I had figured out in my head. David Mamet mentioned this syndrome in his book Theatre, pointing out that writers are prone to 'bemoaning or exploring (which are the same) the difference between the draft and the (actually non-existent) ideal foreseen version of the play'. I seem to go one better, never even finishing the blooming play itself because my mind leaps straight forward to get to the 'bemoaning' that bit quicker. Similarly I foresee myself playing a lead in a play and then find it complicated to work out how I can possibly progress to that point if I find myself only cast in the ensemble. Devising and improvisation are beyond me, simply because I have a need to know how it's going to be structured rather than being prepared to make that structure out of the created chaos. I know it's important to break free of a mindset which is obviously so over sensitive to its OCD love of filing things properly that it is, ultimately, fatal to creativity.
So although I'd love, of course, to have a readership ready and waiting to devour my every word, to be one of those hot shot freelancer bloggers who have streams of comments down below each post, I realise now that that's not what the point of this blog is at all. It's just a place (that isn't, thank heavens, as personal as a diary) but where I have the flexibility to write about what I want and to do so in any way I'd like. I suppose that if it gets to the point where I am starting to develop more of a theme to my writings or to what I do then I'll think about starting a new, more professional looking blog. In the meantime I just need to remember to write in this one a bit more often. And if anyone out there is reading this...that'd be great. Thanks!
PS On that note - I imagine there'll be a few more blogs than anticipated over the next couple of days as I catch up with all the stuff that's been happening without having taken the time to write any of it down or reflect on it.
No comments:
Post a Comment