I've had a lovely evening tonight, thank you for asking. I met my friends Owen and Louise for dinner at a pub in Finsbury Park, followed by many a drink and lots of gossip. It was, quite frankly, delightful. I tottered home at 11:45 with one thing on my mind. Chips. Yes, I know, I'd had dinner only two hours before and I'm trying to lose a bit of weight. This is all true. On the other hand, my local and most renowned fish 'n chip shop had just reopened after a major refurbishment and I was looking forward to my first opportunity to sample their new (and I'm told improved) fried potatoes whilst soaking up a bit of alcohol in preparation for an early morning tomorrow. So I was understandably disappointed when I popped my out of the station and saw they were already closed. Picking up the pace, I slammed the book I was reading on the tube shut and walked quickly towards home. Rounding the corner I noticed a figure in the middle of the road.
Dashing towards it I confirmed it was a human being and realised he/she was shouting something. That something turned out to be 'I'm going to kill myself if someone doesn't call an ambulance'.
No one appeared to be taking any notice so I dashed into the middle of the road and asked, 'Why? Why are you going to kill yourself?'
'Because I am,' they replied 'unless someone calls an ambulance. I've taken sleeping pills'.
'Okay,' I replied. 'I'll call an ambulance'.
'Really?' they replied. 'Of course,' I said. 'Just get out of the road.'
'Thanks', they replied, and immediately and obediently made their way over to the front of a shop, sitting down on the empty fruit and vegetable display case. 'Thank you'.
'That's okay,' I said. 'What's your name?'
'Maria,' she replied.
'I'm Lucy,' I said.
'What's your name?' she said.
'Lucy' I repeated.
'Thanks Lucy,' she said.
I dialled 999 on my phone which instantly lost the tiny bit of battery life it had left and died. So I ducked into a nearby phone box and did it again, getting through to a call centre and requested the ambulance service. 'This is the London Ambulance Service. All our lines are busy are the moment'. I began to inwardly curse but the phone was instantly answered. I tried to explain that I was with a stranger, a woman named Maria, presumably in her mid-thirties who claimed to be suicidal. I told them she'd taken sleeping pills.
'Which ones?' they asked.
'I don't know, I'll ask' I replied. I popped my head out of the phone box. 'Maria? Maria!' I got her attention.
'Yes?'
'What pills did you take?'
'Huh?'
'What sleeping pills did you take?'
'64?'
'What?'
'64'
'64 sleeping pills?'
'No, ten'
'Ten sleeping pills?'
'No, ten 64?'
'Oh!' It dawned on me. 'You had Kronenburg?'
'Yes.'
'How much?'
'Ten.'
'Ten pints?'
'Yes. Ten.'
'And sleeping pills?'
'No.'
'No sleeping pills?'
'No, just ten pints'.
'Sorry,' I said into the phone. 'She's now saying she didn't take sleeping pills, just ten pints of beer. But she's saying she's suicidal.'
'Is she alert?'
'What?'
'Is she alert. Is she conscious?'
'Well, yes.'
'Is she aggressive?'
'No. Just assertive.'
'What?'
'Not aggressive, just assertive. Clear and adamant that she wants an ambulance.'
'Okay. We'll send one.'
'Thank you.'
I went back to sit with Maria. We chatted for a while about her life. She was pretty personable, telling me about her drinking problems, about her daughter in foster care who was six months old and she saw every weekend and about her alcoholic boyfriend who was in trouble with the police. She told me she lived locally.
'Are you okay?'
'I've been sick.'
'I'm sorry.'
'I'm an alcoholic. I'm trying not to drink but they keep giving me drink.'
'Who is they?'
'My friends.'
'Oh.'
'I've been drinking all day. I just went back to my flat and was sick. I've changed my trousers 'cos I didn't want to be all pissy. Now I want the ambulance. No one will help me, that's why you found me sitting in the middle of the road. I'm grateful you stopped. I go to DWP. I want to go to detox, but they won't send me.'
'What's the difference?'
'Detox they help you get off the alcohol?'
'And DWP?'
'They just tell you to'.
'So, detox is residential?'
'Yeah.'
'And that's what you want?'
'Yeah.'
'What happens when detox is done?'
'They just send you back out again.'
'What, so you just have to try not to drink again?'
'Yeah.'
There were a few minutes of silence. Then. 'The problem is I've been drinking on an empty stomach all day too.'
'Do you want some food?'
'Yeah'.
'Okay, I can buy some next door if you wait here?'
'Yeah, thanks. A chicken burger?'
'I'll see what I have the money for'.
I came back with chips apologising that that was all I could afford. She took them graciously.
'That's all right'.
We sat silently, side by side, eating chips. She started to flag. After half an hour I went back into the phone box and called the ambulance service.
'Hi, I called half an hour ago. I know it's maybe not the utmost emergency but there is a suicidal lady here. I was just wondering when the ambulance might be due.'
'We do have a note of that here. They will come but we're quite busy tonight. Is she conscious?'
'Yes. Actually let me check. She's lying down. I can't tell.'
'Go and check.'
'I mean, I'm in a phone box. I don't know her.'
'Put the receiver down.'
'Okay, hold on a minute...yes she's conscious but she keeps trying to sleep.'
'Are you going to stay with her?'
'Of course'.
'Well if you're going to leave just...'
'Of course I'm not going to leave but I just wanted to know if someone was on their way.'
'Just keep her conscious and someone will be.'
'Okay.'
I returned to Maria. A while later I saw an ambulance go by. I waved at them and they stopped.
'Are you here for Maria?'
'No, we're here for someone further down the street'.
'Oh okay, just we called over half an hour ago now. Is it urgent?'
'What's this for?'
'That woman there curled up outside the shop. She says she's suicidal. Is your's urgent?'
'Yeah, apparently it's someone who might be fitting'.
'Oh my God, okay go.'
'Okay, but listen...'
'No, please, go.'
'Just listen. It's Saturday night. We're very busy. Call the police and they'll come and pick her up.'
'Thank you. Please go.'
They left and I turned towards the phone box and Maria again but stopped when I noticed a young man staring at Maria. I waved at him and said 'Do you live here? Don't worry, I'm dealing with this'. He walked towards me and began speaking confusedly in broken english. I tried to explain the situation. Finally, confused as to whether he should go home or stay with me, he picked up his phone and called the ambulance again. 'Please don't,' I said. 'They told me to call the police.' He ignored me and called the ambulance, chatting away and answering all their questions.
'They're coming' he assured me. 'I'll stay here too'. He immediately disappeared into a shop.
I sat next to Maria and woke her up three times. Finally she screamed 'Let me sleep'. I was shocked because she'd been so personable up until now.
'But Maria, you asked me to call an ambulance for you. We're waiting for it.'
'Leave me alone, I'd rather be by myself,' she snapped.
'You've not eaten any of your chips, have some'.
'No,' she yelled, hitting the chip packet and making some tip over the edge. 'Leave me alone. I'd rather be without you guys. I don't want that guy near me.' George had returned by this point and sat by her, smoking and fiddling with his phone. I strolled up and down in front of them and fiddled with the edge of the phone box. After about five or ten minutes I strolled up in front of the two adjoining shops. When I turned around, seconds later, she'd disappeared.
'Where is she?'
'What?' George's head shot up abruptly.
'Where's she gone?'
We both looked around. I ran up and down the street, across the road and didn't see a trace of her. George, more reluctantly, gazed up and down and then back at his phone. I ran the few minutes home, plugged my phone in and called 999 again.
'Hi, I've called a few times in regards to a woman named Maria. On Kilburn Lane.'
'From the phone box?'
'Yes, that's right. Well, she's disappeared.'
'So she's not there now?'
'No, she's just walked off. I turned my back for a second and she's gone.'
'Where are you now?'
'Nearby. I live nearby. I left my address on the system. This is my number. I'm nearby so I can go back out and look for her if you want.'
'Thank you.'
Then I sat down and began writing this. About halfway through my phone rang again. It's now over an hour since my first phone call to the emergency services.
'Hello this is the London Ambulance Service.'
'Oh hi.'
'You called earlier from a phone box about a woman called Maria?'
'Yes.'
'Are you still with her?'
'No, I called ages ago and said she'd disappeared and I'd left.'
'Oh okay. Well we're sending help so we'll stay in touch'.
'Thank you. I'm sorry, I have no idea where she is.'
'Don't worry, thank you.'
'Thanks.'
I wrote most of this blog and then my phone rang again.
'Hello, this is the London Ambulance Service.'
'Hi.'
'You called about Maria?'
'Yes.'
'Are you still with her?'
'No, I've called twice now and said I left her over half an hour ago.'
'So is she still in the area?'
'I have no idea.'
'Is she still by Moros?'
'What?'
'By Moros?'
'That's not where we were. It's called A---'
'That's the name of the restaurant?'
'Yes.'
'Okay. So is she still there?'
'What? I don't know. I left twenty or thirty minutes ago. She disappeared. I explained this. I have no idea where she is.'
'So should we still send an ambulance?'
It's now over 1.5 hours since I first called for one. 'I don't know. I don't know where she is. She was a stranger but she asked for one.'
'I need to know if she's still there, otherwise I won't send an ambulance.'
'Look, as far as I know she's not, but she should still be in the area because she asked for one and she lives near here. But I don't know. I explained this.'
'So I shouldn't send one?'
'I suppose not. I don't know!"
'Okay. I won't. Bye.'
'Bye'.
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