‘I don’t need a man to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we’ll ever have is the one with ourselves’. So says Actress Shirley MacLaine who was, ironically, recently judged rather thoroughly for her promiscuous past by Mark Lawson during an interview for her new book ‘I’m over all that…and other confessions’.
But okay okay, that’s all in the past now. She has been divorced from her husband for 29 years now, and claims that the relationship had been an ‘open one’. She certainly fits the profile of a modern, single, independent women with a stellar film and TV career, friends in high places and a string of book titles to her name. Her interest in New Age Spirituality is well-documented, and is clearly a major presence in her life. There certainly seems enough to keep her busy and happy without a man in her life. Whether or not she is actually currently, or planning on, dating, marrying or anything else is not information accessible to us and, let’s face it, none of our business.
Ms McClaine does, however, epitomise the very essence of what more and more women are beginning to strive for in their lives. The expectation of making a good marriage, having kids or finding one’s ‘soulmate’ is no longer quite as natural an assumption as it was a decade or so ago. Here in the West there have been so many changes in our pace of life, a greater emphasis on professional success regardless of gender, a huge increase and improvement in the education of women, and a blossoming trend of New Age religion or personal relationships with God as opposed to the more traditional organised religious communities. Have all these changes left women unanchored and made it necessary for them to re-shape their place in society? Think about it: It wasn’t so long ago that single women of a certain age were encouraged to hurry into marriage. Nowadays, a moaning single woman is told to buck up their ideas and remember that there’s more to life than men.
So is Shirley right? Is our relationship with ourselves the most important and the most enduring? Is a man an add-on extra nowadays? There’s no real answer to this. For some women singledom is the only choice, babies don’t figure and career is everything. Others have never left the time when wifedom and motherhood were the only conceivable, yearned for choice to make in life. And then there is the ever growing, most-discontented group: the ones who want it all. And yes, I place myself in this group. We’re the ones who think we can reach the upper echelons of any career we choose, standing alongside great men, but still pop home in time to cook the dinner and bond with baby. We’re the ones who walked halfway with the hardcore feminists and then found a cosy place to settle down without seeing the quest through to the end. We are, quite frankly, the ones most taken in by rom-coms, television and Mills & Boon. We consider ourselves the enlightened woman, the pin-up for the 21st Century…but are we kidding ourselves? How many of us, when push came to shove, would turn our partners out the door to concentrate on ‘our career’. How many of us would put off having children when that crucial time to make the decision arises? Do we want it all and, because of this, are we risking losing it all?
is this your way of telling me we're not going to make beautiful may 5 babies together?
ReplyDeleteEvan...I will never rule it out. But frankly I feel our babies will be small and bookish, surrounded by 'artistic' Aunts and Uncle, torn between continents and with no concept of their religion. Can we do this to them?
ReplyDeleteSounds like a magical life to me. So I think the real question is, can we NOT do this to them?
ReplyDeleteNow THAT I can answer...but do I have the heart? ;)
ReplyDeletei'd say your answer right there shows you do have the heart. woe is me!
ReplyDeleteI would say that one's relationship with oneself is indeed the most important and enduring, because try as you may, you will only spend your entire life with YOU. Thus, understanding and accepting oneself is of the utmost importance and an absolute necessity before any kind of "relationship" can begin. That doesn't mean a man (or woman) is an add on, but by understanding yourself, you'll know what you need from a partner.
ReplyDeleteNext... I'd say no you can't have it all. One would have to decide what is important for him/her. And that will be different for each person. However, if one finds that babies are now more important than that VP position, who cares? Or if one thinks that their partner is hindering them in their rise to the top and decides to ditch them because of that, who cares? Both are dependent on the situation. Sound like fine decisions to me.