Tutoring - Today children I'll be teaching the reproductive system

Yes I admit it. My blog  -whilst a little all over the place- is supposed to have a central theme of living and working as a creativey style sort of person in London but I do seem to be updating quite a lot of transcripts from my sessions as a tutor. The only thing I can say is that, whilst trying to get a leg up in this business, one has to do certain jobs and this is one of them. There is no doubt in my mind that this is one that will add spice and ideas to my career in the future. So without further ado: 

Lucy: What does the reproductive system do? 

Child: MAKES BABIEEEEES!

Lucy: That's not the scientific term but sure. What is involved in the reproductive process? 

Child: Eggs and sperm. 

Lucy: And where do the eggs come from? 

Child: The lady. 

Lucy: And where in the lady are they stored? 

Child: In the VAGINA! 

Lucy: Nope. 

Child: In her diaphragm? 

Lucy: What!? No! 

Child: Where then? 

Lucy: What's on either side of her...uh...near the vagina but...

Child: Uh....

Lucy: Ovaries! 

Child: Oh! 

Lucy: Okay. Moving on. Where does the man store his sperm? 

Child: (heartbreakingly proudly) In his ovaries! 

I'm a Tutor. Or should that be tiny comedians' Manager?

Like many other freelancer type people I make most of my actual living from odd jobs - writing copy, promotional work, corporate acting and, perhaps most rewardingly, tutoring. I've been tutoring two little boys over the last year focusing on homework help and common entrance examinations and, while its not necessarily my dream job, I have to admit that their cheekiness, innocence and crazy ideas always give me food for thought and get me smiling (even if it's sometimes more of a grimace)! My friends and family are always awaiting my next tale from the land of these troublesome tykes and I thought I'd share some of their prize moments here.

SCENE

IT'S REVISION TIME. LUCY AND NINE YEAR OLD BOY. TODAY WE'RE PRACTISING SENTENCE STRUCTURE. 

Small boy: The dog was taking a walk in the park when its owner fell into some camel poo.

Lucy: Well it's unlikely but grammatically correct.

SB: David took good care of his prostitute.

Lucy: (helpless, awkward laughter)

SB: Why are you laughing? How about this one: The people queued to see the naked strippers.

Lucy: OK I think we're done with this exercise.

SB: No I'm not finished yet. (Pause) Lucy? Is 'pooed' a verb?

END