Poem - Grandma

Today I went to a wonderful masterclass called From Page to Performance run at IdeasTap Hub by Zena Edwards. It was especially for writers who create work that they want to perform themselves on stage and about creating that unique voice, finding out what you want to say and how best to say it. I am most inspired by writers who create realistic, human character based pieces like Alan Bennett and Alecky Blythe but I'm aware that I'm still at a point that I'm constantly influenced and distracted by all different styles and forms of writing. While this is quite clearly a huge roadblock for me in moving forward as an artist I felt that I could at least take advantage of the positive aspects of my thirst to adopt the feel of the writers I most admire. So, while my focus is really writing plays that are either verbatim or at least quite realistic, I thought that since I was about to do a masterclass with a poet I'd try my hand at a form of writing that thrills me to the core whenever I hear someone really nail the sounds, beat, narrative and character that defines the perfect performance poetry for me. So last night that's what I did. 

I learnt that I'm not a natural poet. I'm not musical enough to hear the sounds, to understand the ways that words go together in the way that poets can. I don't see the world in symbols or metaphors and, too often, I dump subtext in favour of plain expression. But all these things affect the quality of my usual work too. They hamper my ability to create theatre that suggests and entices rather than tells and demands. So I reckon I should keep having a go. Because even if I don't end up as the next great poet perhaps it'll be the best writing exercise I ever did. 

I don't share enough of my writing either here or on stage. I'm not yet confident enough. But it's the only way to pave the way forward so, without further ado, here is last night's attempt.

Grandma

My Grandmother is a woman you don't fuck with
If it seems common as muck to start an ode to a well-respected older person
By cursing
Then please forgive me
But you will see that she
Is hard to encapsulate
In mapped out daily thought or conversation
And, as so often is the case
When all trace
Of carefully constructed thought through language
Escapes me
Due to an over effusive dose of emotion
I revert to words that I know emerge at such times
To mean something that is otherwise
Indescribable

If youc an live to eighty-six years old
And still see off colds

That have full-grown men licked
You must have tricks
About how to live this life
Whether that's as someone's wife
Or child or mother
Or lover
And we, young women as we are,
Should clamour round, from near and far
To hear
Your stories loud and clear
To take our lessons
And count our blessings
That here in front of us
Is proof 
That regardless of life's crazy ways
If we can find the truth 
That we are living for
That we are driven by
And stick to it
With both sass and charm 
Then there is a chance
That we will come through unharmed
And continue on in this merry dance
Until someday we too hear some young person say 
'Well, isn't she amazing!?'

Broadening My London Horizons: Polari - My first night at a Gay Literary Salon

It's so often said that it's almost boring to repeat it. But I will. 

'London is full of wonderful cultural activities and events to see or do no matter what your tastes or budget.'

It's true. I imagine it would be impossible to exhaust your options of things you could experience. When tourists come to London this is one of the first things that hits them.  But for those of us who live here, and particularly for those of us who have grown up here, we see London less as a cultural hub and more as our, albeit large, hometown. We become accustomed to certain people, certain areas and certain forms of entertainment and get locked into our own little worlds and routines. For me that means working, spending time in North West and Central London mostly and watching theatre and comedy. Those are the things I do. I could write you lists of what's on in the West End, fringe theatres and comedy clubs that go on for pages, but I wouldn't know where to start if you asked me where to see a new band play a gig or where you could watch some sort of sporting match. I just wouldn't have a clue despite the fact that people make near pilgrimages to this very city to do those very activities. Actually it can be quite overwhelming to try to start all over again with a new form of entertainment and learn where best to go, when and how. 

However, once in a while, a new friendship or a work event or an ambitious first date will introduce us to something we wouldn't have dreamt of doing (if we knew it even existed). And we might be intrigued, bored, enticed, thrilled, who know's what, by this new experience. Whether we end up adding a new cultural love to our roster or not, at least a brand new bit of London will now be within our reach. Which is why this Monday was so interesting for me. 

Over the past year I've met all kinds of people related to the different artistic activities I've taken part in and through them I have experienced aspects of London, and life in general, that are brand new to me. Through looking for companies to advertise in my programme for my Edinburgh show Rachael's Cafe (about a pre-op transgender lady living on the Bible Belt in the USA) in 2011 I met Alex Drummond who advertised her book Queering the Tranny. Alex, in turn, introduced me to Andie Davidson who runs Bramley Press which published the book and I met up with her when she came to see the show in Brighton. This Monday Andie invited me to watch her read from her book of poetry RealIsations at Polari, the gay literary salon at the Royal Festival Hall on London's Southbank. I must admit I doubt that this is an event I would ever have booked to see without such an invitation. Not that I wouldn't expect to enjoy it but I just never really came across it and, if I had done, I might've felt that it wasn't necessarily directed at me as an audience member. While this is of course entirely in my head I know it's the way that a great number of people would naturally feel about not only this event but also others that are clearly directed at and serve a particular sector of society that we don't feel we belong to. 

But the whole point of this blog is that this is the wonderful thing about experiencing London through the eyes of others, who are not necessarily Londoners. Polari was like an exciting little world I'd just discovered, like an intimate gathering of literary geniuses and fans ensconced in a friendly little room but right in the centre of London! Up and comers like Andie were on a mixed bill with steadfast names in the business such as Jake Arnott and Stella Duffy. There was poetry, historical fiction, occult novels,  a reading from a book with steamy sex scenes that was accompanied by a live reenactment (to some degree), episodes from a serialisation in The Gay Times which started out life as a screen play and then a novel before its move into the newspaper...It was like story time for grown ups, like live audio books, theatre and comedy all mixed with a pop-up bar and bookshop. I can't imagine it's for everyone, I won't deny I was blushing at a few choice moments, but if you like any combination of poetry, novels, storytelling and theatre I'd wholeheartedly recommend Polari. There was something incredibly nice and honest about people simply reading and an audience listening with no soundtrack or flashing lights or set. It was up to the quality of the writing and the delivery of it to shine through and it did so so very brightly. 

A Film Actor's 'Right' to Protection

The other night I was watching television and caught sight of a friend playing a substantial role in a fairly major movie. I called him the next morning to congratulate him and, thanking me, he said that he'd been thrilled to work with the stars in the film and had loved the process but absolutely hated how it had been edited. He thought the film had the potential to be so much better than it ended up being. This got me thinking about the lack of control an actor has when appearing in a film over anything but the performance he puts in on set on the day of filming. The reason I've always aspired to work as a performer in the theatre rather than on screen is because, for me, it's an actor's medium. Once the work on the script, direction etc. is complete and opening night rocks up it's the actor's world. Obviously you're playing by certain guidelines but the show is in your hands, you're in control of what the audience sees and what might be created in the moment. With a film the actor's performance can potentially be dramatically altered by the editing process or even last minute changes to the script - think Thandi Newton's complaint when the director of Crash significantly rewrote a scene in the movie after they'd already filmed what would be her reaction to the events of that scene. In her opinion the acting choices she had made based on the original script were no longer as relevant or effective and reflected badly on her as an actress. 

So what rights - bar the initial contract signing and script approval - do actors have? Once we commit ourselves to a project are we agreeing to lend ourselves, our faces, our skills, to become instruments for the filmmaker's vision? It's all very well saying we only choose to get involved with projects we believe in but that's not always an option when looking for work and it's also not always possible to be entirely sure of where a director or producer is ultimately going to go with a project. Keeping in mind that we are all now much more aware - thanks to reality TV- quite how spectacularly editing can change our perceptions of people and events, should we not all be a tiny bit more concerned how our performances can be twisted and turned into something entirely different? Most of us are far too focused on the desperate struggle to actually get cast in a film to spend time thinking about what might happen afterwards. This might be okay with harmless comedies, over the top action films or sentimentally sweet films where, if anything goes off piste the worst that's likely to happen is that we get a bit of flack from reviewers or are underwhelmed with the showreel material we get from it. But what about when a role holds us up as poster people for a political stance or religious belief that we don't represent? Then it becomes a bit more serious than mere questionable acting choices. 

I pick these out as possibilities because they're particularly relevant at the moment after last month when actress Cindy Lee Garcia went to court to sue the filmmaker Nakoula Basseley Nakoula claiming she was 'duped' into appearing in her infamous movie Innocence of Muslims, which led to worldwide riots and deaths, and had not been 'aware of its anti-Muslim content'. Her request for a 14 minute trailer of the film to be removed from YouTube as it had 'violated her privacy and endangered her life' was rejected by the Los Angeles superior court judge Louis Lanvin who agreed with Google lawyer Timothy Alger's statement that 'the rights of an actor do not protect that person from how a film is perceived'. 

Now, not having seen the film, her contractual agreement or truly knowing for certain what the endangerment to her life is, it is impossible to comment on this legal decision. However, taking Judge Lanvin's assertion as a stand-alone comment, I ask my own. 'Is this right?' After author Salman Rushdie was issued with a fatwa for writing a book he was offered protection based on how it was perceived. Why wouldn't actors be offered the same rights based on how work they are involved with is perceived? After all they're the ones who will be instantly recognisable to those offended. This is obviously a unique case and it would be silly to blow it out of all proportion since most of the time an actor's concern is that their scene has been unfairly cut or weirdly edited. Unfortunate but the way of the world. However this did all make me stop and think about when it might get a bit more serious. If an actor does choose to get involved with a ground-breaking - whether that be politically, religiously or other - movie or television project and, in doing so, takes an even greater risk than the directors and producers of said project will be doing, shouldn't they then be entitled to protection in the case of a public reaction to it which may result in endangerment to life, death threats and the like? If not then perhaps we should all be committing ourselves only to sweetly flippant projects or all be making our own work.